


Once Upon A Starship

by AlaraKitan



Category: The Orville (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst and Humor, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Style, Fluff and Humor, Other, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-01-15 21:49:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12329556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlaraKitan/pseuds/AlaraKitan
Summary: Gordon and Alara crash on some weird fairytale magic type planet somewhere and things go just about as well as you may expect.





	1. Once Upon A Starship...

**Author's Note:**

> I was given the fan fiction prompt "Fairytale" and the pairing Gordon and Alara it was initially supposed to be a short story but kind of took on a life of its own and will probably be a few chapters so...my bad.

Alara was amazed they'd actually survived the crash. Perhaps it was because Gordon was such a good pilot that they hadn't been completely obliterated upon impact of this random planet. The good news was that they could survive in the atmosphere but the bad news was that it seemed they had crashed in the middle of nowhere. The equipment that did work didn't pick up any actual signs of life. That didn't mean there weren't any, it just meant that if there was life on this planet then it wasn't sophisticated enough that their scanners could really pick up on it. It also meant they could be stuck here for a while.

"Good job with the crash, who knows how long we'll be here now?" Alana said.

"It wasn't a crash...it was landing with extreme prejudice," Gordon replied brushing himself off to look around. Alara had a feeling that was a reference to something, but what, she had no idea, so she decided not to question it. Instead, she fiddled around with her scanner to see if she could modify it to pick up anything more than it was already getting. Finally, a reading came through and it was further up north.

"Come on, this way, I'm getting something." She said, starting to walk.

"Wait up!" He called, stumbling over some wreckage as he hurried to catch up with her. "This place is weird, almost familiar."

"Familiar how?" Alara questioned, not bothering to look at him since the scanner was more interesting than anything she believed he had to say at the moment.

"I don't know, it's like...right out of a storybook. You know, once upon a time in a faraway land type...place?" He asked. She stopped to look at him, still not really getting what he was talking about.

"Storybook?"

"Yeah, like a fairytale. Don't you have those on your planet?" He asked.

"Probably not like the ones you have." She paused, "Why do you say that?"

"Because that," He grabbed her by her shoulders to turn her and she allowed it since she really didn't consider there was another option. "Looks exactly like Cinderella's castle."

"Who?"

"Cinderella." He said, "Wicked step mom and evil stepsisters, glass slippers, prince charming..." He didn't get to finish what he was saying because out of nowhere, there was the sound of a trumpet as a calvary came galloping over the hill right towards them. Alara went to pull her weapon but Gordon put a hand on her arm gently. She looked at him.

"Lieutenant..."

"They are on horses, I don't think we have too much to worry about." He said softly. He turned out to be right, at least for the moment, when the horses stopped. There were about 12 of them with men in medical looking armor sat on top. She realized that Gordon seemed incredibly amused by this but since it didn't have the same familiarity to her as it did to him, she only felt confused.

"Halt, you are trespassing on the Queen's land." One of the armored men said they were all wearing helmets which left their faces obscured, leaving doubt as to how humanoid they may or may not be.

"The queen?" Gordon grinned.

"We are explorers," Alara said, "We mean you no harm. Our ship crashed and we are just looking for a way to contact our crew so we can leave."

"Ship? Crew? What are you claiming then...you are...aliens?" The lead knight or warrior asked sounding like he thought this was a complete joke. This caused the rest of the men on the horses to laugh.

"Do I look like an alien?" She asked, thinking that it was more of a rhetorical question than an actual question. This caused the first man to get off of his horse and take his helmet off. He looked very human. In fact, he looked like he walked right out of a story and Alara was starting to see why Gordon made the statements that he had moments ago. She then realized that to him, she was definitely going to look like an alien. With his perfect blond hair and blue eyes. That chilled jaw and cleft chin. If she had to guess, this man was royalty here or at very least, nobility.

"As a matter of fact, you do." He said, glaring down at her. She stood her ground, about ready to knock this man and his house 12 feet away from her when suddenly there was a sharp pain in her neck. She cried out angrily, her hand flying to the wound only to find some sort of dart had been shot into it.

"Alara?" Gordon asked, but it was the last thing she heard before completely blacking out.

* * *

When she woke up, not only was she in a tower but she was entirely different looking, which she only knew because the moment she scrambled out of bed to survey her surroundings she caught her reflection in the mirror and screamed. Thinking she still possessed the powerful strength she usually had, she ran at the door, believing it wouldn't be that hard to break down. She was entirely wrong and ended up hurting her shoulder and falling back.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" She screamed, "GORDON!" He wasn't anywhere around and this was too weird. She was human, and blond at that. Which really didn't make any sort of sense, the least of her worries was that she was dressed in some sort of gown and was high up. Apparently very high up. It almost made her dizzy as she looked down from the window which wasn't even barred. Not that it really needed to be, considering how completely foolish a person would have to be in order to think jumping was a good idea. She took a deep breath and edged out onto the ledge of it anyway to look around.

The good news was, there were vines there and they seemed sturdy enough to support her light frame. The bad news was that if she fell, made one small miscalculation, she'd be dead. As much as she trusted Gordon and even liked him, she didn't trust him enough to think he'd do anything useful in way of rescuing her. He was human so it wasn't like he'd have much to worry about. Or would he? Crap. She might just have to risk it, did she really have a choice? Possibly, talking her way out. Tricking someone. She slipped back into the room, considering that window thing a plan B and headed for the door.

"Hello?" She called, trying to avoid looking at her reflection in the mirror. She didn't look bad, she just was kind of freaked out by it. Also, she'd never really wanted to be or look human because she liked how she was so seeing herself this way wasn't sitting well in her mind...or her stomach. She knocked on the door softly. "HELLO! Guard or...someone?" There was no answer but she didn't expect there to be an answer either. Considering the improbably high tower she was in and the odd placement of it, she wondered how easy anyone could actually get up there to see her. Maybe she'd been left here to die as some sort of punishment for not being human, except they made her into a human, so what was even the point? This place was weird and she wanted to leave. 

She walked back to the bed and sat on it, seriously considering that maybe the window was the best option in this case but also not being desperate enough to try it. Unless they intended for her to starve here, and they very well may have intended for that, then she would assume that at some point there would be an interaction with someone when they came to bring her food. As of now, the sun was high up in the sky, signaling that it was around 12 or 1300 hours. If no one was there by dusk to feed her anything, she'd consider climbing down. It would be better to do under cover of nightfall anyway. 

* * *

"Who was that wench that came with you?" The large, armored guard asked him for, well, he had lost count but that was probably because he'd been punched in the face so much trying to explain it. All he'd been doing was telling the truth, which slowly became clear to him that telling the truth wasn't the right way to go. If he was hit any harder for any longer, he was just going to black out...again. What he needed to do was think this through and figure out what they wanted so he'd be allowed to get to Alara again and they could both maybe find a way off of this planet alive. 

"She was..." He panted, "...is...my...bride to be." 

"You were to marry a troll?" Another one of the guards sneered at him. Troll? That was an interesting one. If Alara could pass as a troll then she was a damn fine sexy troll, and he failed to see how he also didn't look like a troll to them. What kind of hot trolls did they have on this planet that Alara of all people passed as a troll? He decided not to ask, as it would only get him into deeper trouble. 

"She has a big dowry, lots of land and gold and...corn?" 

"What manner of country is that troll fun that they'd allow her family such things?" The first guard demanded. 

"Uh...ever been to the completely other side of your planet?" Gordon asked. 

"Don't be preposterous, no man has means to travel such length." 

"Yeah from there that's where she's from." He said. 

"And how did you get there?" The second guard asked. 

"Wizard?" He asked. The two guards looked at each other as if they did think this was plausible, regardless of how much of a lie or how ridiculous he actually thought it was. However, if this was some kind of weird fairytale based planet maybe if he started to think and act as if he were in a fairytale then he'd actually get out of this mess. 

"And you...love her? As she was?" The first guard asked. 

"Was?" 

"It is by order of the queen that all creatures big and small be modified to look as human as possible. No outsiders allowed." The guard informed him. 

"Well that's stupid," Gordon said, which only met him with another backhand to the face. 

"The word of the Queen is sacred, not stupid!" The guard said, "Why would a wizard transport you there?" Gordon looked around trying to think quickly, it seemed the dumber the answer he gave the more believable it was and he was definitely good at giving dumb answers. 

"My father killed his...pet dragon in order to sell and make a fortune. The Wizard...well he wasn't too happy about that so he cursed the firstborn son of the family which happened to be me and I was sent to the other side of the planet. Where trolls live, some of them are beautiful." He said. 

"His story does seem to hold up, other than the beautiful troll ranting." The second guard said. 

"Perhaps he was enchanted by one of their potions and became delusional. How long did you spend there? Did you eat or drink?" 

"Uh yeah, it was many...fortnights of...terror," Gordon said playing along with them for the sake of getting out of there faster. They didn't seem to have too much of a problem with him other than his connection to what they believed was a troll which also seemed to be a very bad thing on this planet. 

"If you truly love that...thing then you may keep her if you pass the test." The first guard said. 

"What?" Replied the second, "What is this nonsense?" 

"By order of the queen, if a man can prove he's truly in love with another...creature...he is allowed to keep her but once reunited they will be forever banished from this land to the Bog of Stench!" 

"Isn't that from a David Bowie movie?" Gordon asked. 

"Who?" Replied the guard. 

"Nothing...but why would anyone want to live in the Bog Of-"

"It's just a name." The second guard said, "It's actually quite lovely, the queen just wanted it to sound bad." The first guard glared at the second as if this was some sort of secret that he probably should have kept and if Gordon had to guess, it was probably true. Well, this all seemed simple enough all he had to do was prove that he loved Alara. It all would just depend on what their definition of love was. 

"So what do I have to do to prove this love?" Gordon asked. 

"You will have a fortnight to travel to the tower where she's been imprisoned. Find a way in and kiss her to release the curse and reveal her true form." The guard informed him. 

"Oh she's not going to like that." Gordon said. 

"Your maiden wouldn't want to be kissed by the man who loves her?" He replied. 

"Uh...I meant the imprisonment part. What? Pfft are you kidding? We make out...you know...like all the time. Totally. Not even a virgin or whatever. Me I mean...she's totally a virgin. Pure as the driven snow...but I am-"

"SILENCE!" The guard yelled at him and motioned for one of the men to release the ropes that were keeping his hands tied behind his back. "You will be given a horse, a bow, a quiver of arrows, and a sword. You will be sent on your way. The castle is enchanted so we shall know if you have reached it in a fortnight or not and broken the spell. If you cannot do this, your maiden will be put to death." 

"Seriously?!" He snapped pulling his hands in front of him so he could rub at the rope burns around his wrist. "Do I at least get a map?" 

"Yes." 

"Compass?" 

"A what?" 

"Nevermind." Gordon mumbled, this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. If he couldn't do what he was being asked, or the ship didn't happen to figure out where the hell they crashed within a fortnight, Alara was certainly doomed. Hell, she was probably already doomed but that didn't mean he wasn't going to give it his all. This was not going to end well. He was sure of it. 


	2. The Dragon Chapter...Kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was late when I wrote this and accidentally contradicted myself with the color of Billy's skin but the problem has since been corrected

Around sunset, there was a knock at her door. Alara looked over at it from the bed where she had been laying and basically just staring off into space doing nothing. There wasn't anything in this room. No books, no possible screen to watch something. There was the window, the big mirror, the giant door, and the bed. Other than that there was a fireplace but it wasn't lit just now, which wasn't a terrible thing considering it also wasn't cold. When she heard the knock she thanked whatever luck she had that she wasn't alone in here. She got up and hurried to the door after struggling with the ridiculous gown for a long moment so she wouldn't trip and fall flat on her face, which she'd already managed to do twice in that very short period of time. Upon opening it she sat nothing, at first. Then she looked down. It was a tiny...thing. Green skin, red eyes, pointy ears. It was dressed in rags and looked to be half starving but it had food with it on a tray. She got down so she could have a closer look and talk to the creature. 

"Hi," She said, "Thank you for the food." Whatever this creature was, it looked to be as badly off as her or worse. There was no way this thing was a guard, and it probably didn't have any access to any sort of key or device that would get her out of the tower. Since this world seemed to be all magic and unicorn farts, she wasn't sure if this thing was actually real or created just for the sole purpose of taking care of whatever prisoner they happened to have in the tower that day. 

"What?" The thing said to her. 

"Thank you? For the...food?" She repeated, wondering if she had said something wrong. The thing stared at her for a long moment. 

"No one ever says thank you." The creature replied. 

"I'm not, no one." She said, taking the tray gently since it seemed to be a very heavy burden for this thing to handle. There wasn't much on here. A bowl of what smelled like gruel and some bread as well as what appeared to be a cup of ale. Some meal. She sighed and picked up the bread, holding it out to the creature. "You look like you could use this more than me. I'll be fine on...well..this gruel." 

"Really?" The thing said sounding like it was just offered a bag of gold coins, "I can take it? You'll let me eat your food?" 

"Yeah." She said. The creature looked at her for a long while as if she might be joking before taking the bread and then bolting down the hall laughing like a kid on Christmas morning. Alara quickly set the tray on the floor and moved out of the door, it was finally open and she now had a chance to at least get out of that damn room. She hadn't offered the creature the food as an escape plan but it had worked all the same. "Hey wait!" 

Bunching up the way too bulky layers of fabric on the gown, she took off running after the thing but found she was quickly winded now that she was human. This was going to get frustrating and quickly at that. Still, she was out of the room, and this hallway was way too long to be normal. Of course, that would make sense considering the whole enchanted fairytale aspect of the tower. Yet, there were no other doors and seemingly no other place for this creature to run. No matter, it wasn't as if she had anything better to do than to walk miles of enchanted hallway trying to find a way out. It was preferable to climbing down the side of a tower so tall she couldn't even see the ground below. 

* * *

Gordon has absolutely no idea what he was doing, they hadn't even given him a compass. They had given him a map, though, but hell if he could really make heads or tails of it. It didn'teven seem to be a real map. It was like some kind of medieval painting with a lot of weird symbols and words on it, most of which weren't in English. There were also drawings of things which seemed to indicate where to go and where not to. Like a cave with ice around it, or just a massive wall of flames. There was also what looked like maybe a giant snake in a body of water. 

"Well...this is just impossible." He said to himself. The tower was marked as being north. Very north. Where the caves and the ice and what looked like a giant yeti lived. He didn't doubt that these were actual things in this world considering what magic he'd already seen but he also didn't think a sword and a bow and arrow could fight such creatures. It was almost dark and all he'd been doing was traveling north. At least according to the sun and what earth thought of as north. Man, he was so screwed. 

Eventually, it was too dark to see anything so he stopped his horse and made a fire. He had very little food with him. He supposed they expected him to hunt but even if he did, he wouldn't know the first damn thing about gutting, cleaning, and filleting an animal with a giant sword. He would need to forage to survive. Where the hell was Ed? The ship? Any sort of away team? Surely they had known the shuttle had crashed and would be able to at least read the signal from it, right? For all he knew they were already on the planet but getting the same runaround he had been getting. 

He rested his head against a fallen log and looked up at the stars. The only choice he had was to attempt to continue to Alara but without her super strength, what would they do? He was betting even as a human she was more powerful than him, and she'd definitely be faster. He was so damn out of shape. His eyes started to close and before he knew it he had drifted off to sleep. 

* * *

She didn't know how long she'd been walking down the same hall which only seemed to repeat itself over and over and over. There weren't any stairs, or doors, or anything. The thought of walking back towards where she came also seemed too tiring so she just gave up and sat down in the middle of the hall to catch her breath and collect her thoughts. How the hell could this place exist if magic wasn't real? But that also defied all logical sense, science, reason. Had this species or planet or whatever it was, really managed to harness actual magic? That couldn't be possible. Magic had no rules behind it, it didn't exist. None of this could possibly exist. Not in this form. For a moment, things started to get blurry around her and shake, but this startled her back to reality and it became normal again. 

From across where she was sitting, a very small door opened. One that she was sure she could just barely fit through if she crawled. Probably one large enough for that creature who had brought her food. She narrowed her gaze at it then started to crawl forward, through the door, getting kind of stuck because of the bulky dress but she managed to claw her way out onto the other side. As soon as she tried to stand up she hit her head on the ceiling. Yeah, this place was obviously meant for a creature much smaller than her. The bang that hitting her head made, alerted the same little being who had fed her before, to come out through another door. 

"Uh, hi." She said. "Can you help me?" 

"Help." The creature said, she still couldn't tell if it was supposed to be male or female, even by the voice. It was small, completely green, with white hair and red glowing eyes. The ears were long and pointed and the clothing it wore could have easily been a dress or a long shirt, but it was definitely some sort of tattered sack. Probably formerly used to hold grain or some other type of food. 

"Yes, help." She said, "I'm trapped here, I need to get out." 

"Pretty." The thing said, "You gave me food." 

"That's right, I did. Was it good?" She asked, hoping that maybe if she was friendly and didn't lose her temper she might get somewhere with this thing. "My name is Alara, do you have a name?" 

"Billy." It said. 

"Like as in a girl or...a boy?" She asked. 

"Just Billy." It replied. Great. Well, she supposed it wasn't important what the hell its gender was as long as it was intent on helping her. It went over to a trunk of some type and opened it before removing a ring of keys. After sifting through them, it pulled one off and held it out to her. Though the key looked big in Billy's hand, it was actually very tiny in her own hand. Hopefully, she wouldn't lose it. "Get out." 

"The key? This key, it will get me out?" She asked. 

"Yes. The door in your room." Billy said. 

"There is only one door, it took me to this hall, to your room." She insisted, having no idea what Billy was talking about. 

"Opens many doors. Many doors that key. Use that key." Billy insisted. "You go now." 

"Billy, I need a bit more help than-"

"GO NOW!" It ordered. She didn't want to get this thing in trouble or killed, so she supposed the best course of action was just to leave. If she kept giving Billy food maybe at some point she'd get more information on how to use this key, or where. She slowly crawled back out of the room and stood up. The door shut behind her and vanished. 

"Shit." She muttered. There was a creaking noise and about five feet from where she stood the door to her original room opened up. "What the hell..." She headed towards it, still not sure how this was possible. Maybe she'd inhaled some hallucinogenic spores when they had landed because other than a drug trip, a weird dream, or coma, there was no rational explanation for how this world operated. 

* * *

Gordon awoke to a bright full moon. Way too bright, but more than that, he heard giggling all around him. Female giggling. This was far more disturbing of his sleep than the bright ass moon that was nearly like a sun it was so bright. His eyes opened and shifted back and fourth, as he wondered who was giggling like that. He sat up and grabbed his sword, getting to his feet. 

"Hello?" He called, "Alara?" Dammit no, that was stupid, there was no way it was Alara and the dead giveaway of that was the giggling. He couldn't, for the life of him, picturing that woman giggling in such a way. He shook his head and started to walk towards the noise. 

"You stay here." He told the horse, then realized how stupid that was but at least no one was there to hear him try to tell a horse to stay in place. Amazingly it already had without being tied to anything but still, it was dumb to say that. He headed towards some trees which were just outside of the clearing he had paused to sleep in and he saw the glow of a fire. Maybe whoever was there could help him. Or they'd kill him. Or they weren't even human, who the hell knew? 

"Hello!" He called again. From behind one of the trees, a very beautiful blond woman appeared. She was definitely naked but her long hair covered the vast majority of her body. She approached him with a very seductive walk and smiled, placing her hands on his face and stroking it softly as she looked into his eyes. 

"Come my prince...the party awaits." 

"Uh...party?" He muttered. "What-what party? Look I...I'd love to go but I have to find my troll bride. I mean bride...I mean...it's not even that serious of a relationship really. Open you know we-" She put her finger to his lips gently.

"Shhhh." She whispered. Entranced by her icy blue stare, he just nodded and shut up. She took him by his wrist and started to lead him down a path. He tried to avoid staring at her completely bare ass which was lit well in the bright light of the moon. He arrived on the scene of what definitely seemed to be a party, just with naked people. 

"Alright, my kind of party." He grinned. This got people's attention, immediately, and they all turned to look at him. Everything went silent and the music that had been playing, wherever it had been playing from, halted instantly. "What?" 

"RED HAIR! HE'S A WITCH!" Some guy yelled. 

"What? Me?" 

"GET HIM!" He heard a woman yell. They seemed to be serious, especially when they all started to run at him. He screamed and took off running, forgetting he was also holding a sword. The last thing he wanted was to be attacked and killed by a bunch of naked maniacs who thought he was a witch because his hair was red. He ran as fast as he could, taking the most inane path he could. Over obstacles, around trees, climbing rocks and jumping down them. He could hear these crazy weirdos hot on his trail. That was, until he entered a cave. Then he heard them muttering about a dragon prince and their voices quickly got more and more distant until he couldn't hear anything anymore. 

"Great...meet a naked woman who is into me and all her friends think I'm a witch. I THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD THING ON THIS PLANET!" He yelled out of the cave that they seemed to not want to come into because of this alleged dragon prince. It was at that point he realized that maybe there really was a dragon, considering everything else that happened on that planet that day. 

"Oh shit..." He whispered and turned around. In the dark, he saw two large and glowing orbs. Things that he could really only interpret as dragon eyes. "Uh...don't eat me. Seriously, there's a whole bunch of naked people out there, like 500 yards away. Wouldn't even have to worry about clothes." He started to back up slowly, wanting to keep an eye on these orbs for as long as he could before turning to make yet another run for it. Except, then, he heard chuckling. A noise that soon turned into laughs. Deep laughs. The orbs vanished. 

"Okay...then..." He said softly, not sure what was going on. He turned around to run but slammed into something and fell back. When he looked up he saw the same orbs but at a much smaller size and it appeared to just be a lizard...person of some sort. Not even gigantic. It breathed flames through its mouth just above his head and a few lanterns lit up. It was a female lizard woman. 

"Haven't had a good laugh such as that in a fortnight." She said. 

"Glad to...be of service...pleasedonteatme!" 

"Eat you?" She laughed, "Why in heavens name would I do that?" She reached her hand down as if she wanted to help him up and he slowly took it. To be fair she looked a lot more like a dragon than a lizard woman. Actually, she was kind of pretty. Which he immediately made himself stop thinking because that was weird. 

"They said a dragon prince lived here and...the eyes they..." 

"Trick of the light. Works in my favor to keep those village idiots away." She said. "There is no prince, just me. But you aren't them, you smell different. Where do you hail from?" 

"Alright, don't call me a witch but actually, I'm from outer space. Like, a starship." He said. She gave him an odd look as if he were mad but nodded anyway. "I know you don't believe me but I don't have time for all this fairytale magic bullcrap I have to save my friend." 

"The one they took to the tower?" She asked. 

"Wh-wait how did you-"

"The whole town knows when that happens." She said, "I don't go into town but I hear the village idiots as they pass my cave, talking their nonsense. Let me get you some food. Is Jackalope okay?" 

"Seriously?" 

"Huh?" 

"Sorry, where I'm from those don't exist." He said, "But if it's anything like rabbit, it can't be too bad." 

"What's a rabbit?" She asked, heading more into the cave. He followed her, only to be led to a very wide open cavern that was like a nice home, except built into a cave. There was a cooking pot on a fire with something in it. She grabbed a wooden bowl and put some of the jackalope stew in there before holding it in his direction. He took it and nodded. "Oh right, humans like spoons." 

"Yeah, but I can manage without." 

"It's no problem really. Just, give me a moment." She said, walking over to a wooden trunk and opening it. "So, you say you are from the stars, and I definitely believe you don't understand anything about where you are now from the way you look at me. You also don't seem frightened...well not after the point where you thought I was gigantic and tried to sell out villagers to me. First one who's ever tried that, have to give you credit. You got big horns." 

"Horns...oh you mean like balls." 

"Quite, except I wouldn't be so crude." She pulled a silver spoon from the chest and tossed it in his direction. He caught it and looked it over before deciding to use it to eat. "Have a seat, make yourself at home." 

"Thanks." He said and sat down on a fur covered rock that was actually way more comfortable than it looked. "I'm Gordon." 

"My name is Astia." She said, "If you want to get to that tower you are going to need a lot of help." 

"And you'd help me?" He asked. "Why? Because I made you laugh?" 

"No," She said, "You have a horse right?" 

"Yeah..." He said slowly. 

"I'll help you if you let me eat it." She said. "Haven't had horse meat in a while." 

"But how will I...I mean...I have to travel and I think that thing is property of the queen so-"

"You will travel just fine. You can pay me with your horse or you can do this on your own. In the morning. Wouldn't kick you out without a proper night's rest. I'm not a savage." She said, folding her arms over her chest. He considered his options here. For one, it wasn't his horse, for two, she was a dragon lady, for three, animals ate other animals all the time, and for four, this planet was just a giant ass ball of magic and pixie dust. Was the life of that horse more important than Alara's life? Yes, of course someone would be pissed at him for trading a pretty horse for a Xelayan but he was not one of those people. She knew this place, she could help him, and she was right. He couldn't do it alone. 

"Alright, take my horse." He said, "But this better not be a trick." 

"Dragons have no need to trick anyone we can just set them on fire." She laughed. "Eat, drink, be merry for tomorrow, we learn to fly." She grinned and grabbed a very large knife, he looked at her wondering if that was just a saying around there and would have asked had she not left in such a hurry to get her horse meat. He sighed and continued eating the stew which was amazing. He was definitely going to have to find out how to replicate a mythological meat once he got back to the ship. If he ever did at all. 


	3. All Keyed In

Her best estimate told her that it was around midnight and she hadn't been sleeping. Hadn't been able to. The human body she was in felt weak even if she really hadn't tried to do much in it. Not to mention the dress, which was annoying. It cinched her waist far too much. She'd gone into the small bathroom that was attached to her bedroom and with much effort managed to rip down the dress to something more manageable. She'd also loosened the annoying thing around her waist which was making it harder to breathe and pushing her boobs up to a point they were nearly falling out of the top. It was still annoying but at least when she laid down it didn't feel like she might suffocate. 

Now, she was on her back looking up at the key wondering why the little creature thing had given it to her without explaining to her what door it opened. The thing, Billy, had said it opened many doors but the key definitely was too small to fit into the lock on her door and since it was opened anyway (and she'd jammed something in there so it would stay that way) it wasn't worth trying. Or was it? Maybe she was just losing her mind but there probably wasn't much else to do. If it didn't work then it didn't work. This place was obviously magical in some capacity so why not? Though if it was the kind of magic that she actually had to believe in to get it to work then she was positively fucked. 

She pushed herself up from the bed and walked to the door. As she slipped the tiny key into what seemed like a huge lock, it suddenly grew to fit perfectly. Letting out a yelp, she jumped back and stared at it. The key stayed in place at its new size. That was definitely interesting. On impulse, she kicked the barricade that was keeping the door open out of the way and shut it completely. The key remained in place and seemed to still fit the lock. She took a deep breath and turned it. There was a click, the door opened again, to a completely different room. It looked like the storage area of a tavern. When she pulled the key out it got small again. She didn't want to question how it worked or why, but it did work and that was the most important part. She walked into the storage room and towards the second door letting the tower door close behind her. She'd found a way to escape, or at least she hoped, so now it was time to find Gordon and try to get the hell out of there. 

* * *

 

Back on the Orville, they'd known that something was wrong for a very long time. The problem was trying to communicate with the planet. When there was no communication relayed back to them they had to attempt to find where the shuttle may have landed. It was concluded that it probably crashed which was why they weren't picking up any sort of distress signal. It had only been 24 hours but considering there had also been no contact from Gordon or Alara, Ed was kind of weary about sending more people down there and risking the same type of problems. Eventually, it got to a point where he knew he couldn't just stay on the ship any longer. He was going to have to go down there. Kelly would be joining him and no one else. Command of the ship was left to Bortus. As far as they were aware the planet was supposed to be uninhabited by any sort of advanced lifeforms that they could communicate with. 

To figure out where the ship may have crashed, they did the only thing possible. LaMarr was able to calculate the flight trajectory and the most reasonable area for the crash to have happened within a 15-kilometer radius. It was their best bet to find the shuttle and there was at least a good amount of hope that Alara and Gordon would be nearby. If they had their own shuttle then they could just fly over the area and wait to spot it, if the calculations were right. There was only one way to find out and they couldn't wait any longer to do it. 

* * *

Gordon woke up the next morning, surprised that he wasn't incredibly sore from where he'd slept. Which was basically a rock with a bunch of animal furs on it and one pillow. Sometime in the night, Astia had covered him with a fur blanket. He sat up and yawned, a tray of food was thrust towards him. Looked like relatively normal breakfast food. Scrambled eggs, some type of meat, and what smelled like coffee (though he'd be surprised if it actually was coffee). He was starving so he wasn't about to turn down a free breakfast from a dragon lady, it was a pretty cool story to tell later anyway. 

"Uh...thanks?" 

"You are most welcome." She said and then went to sit down by the fire, poking at it a bit, "Your horse was delicious by the way." 

"Really? That's good." He said and started to eat his food, "Never had horse meat, people are really against that where I am from. Is it good?" 

"You tell me." She replied motioning to the food he was eating. He looked down and realized that the breakfast meat was the horse. It wasn't bad and there was no use getting upset about it now so he continued to eat. 

"Not bad at all." He said, "Is this coffee?" 

"Coff-ee?" 

"Nevermind." He muttered and picked up the mug to take a sip. For whatever reason, it smelled like coffee but tasted like the most amazing thing he'd ever had. Nothing he could really even describe. Sweet but earthy, savory yet, not overpowering, and it was certainly perking him up. Damn. Whatever in that cup was pure magic, and sadly he was already assuming it could not be replicated because it probably was actual damn magic. This world was pretty fucking cool but he was going to have to leave. Well, maybe he could write a simulation to duplicate it later, for the ship. No one was ever going to believe it anyway, might as well write it off as fantasy. 

"What you are drinking is something that will aid you in travel. Told you I would teach you to fly today." She said. 

"What?" He looked down at the mug which was already a third empty now because it had been too good to put down in the first place. Now he was beginning to question if she had given him some type of hallucinogenic or something because that was the only way he could comprehend flying. At least in a metaphorical sense. 

"It will grow you wings." 

"Are you shitting me right now?" He asked though he didn't have to wait long to find out it was the truth. From his back, the wings sprouted and right through his shirt. Except it was done in an interestingly magical way where most of the shirt stayed on he just had wings now. Large, white, angel type wings. It also barely hurt. There was some pain but that seemed to be the wings struggling to get through the fabric. Once they were out he was fine. "What in the world-"

"Your wings." She smiled, "You will only have them for a fortnight but that is all you need, yes? To find your maiden?" 

"This is AWESOME!" He shifted so he could run his hand over one of the wings. It was exactly like a giant bird wing and soon he found with very little effort he could move them in and out so he started to extend and retract them seeing what type of control he had. Astia smiled, though because she was a dragon woman and her teeth were all fangs it seemed more menacing than friendly. "I'm a pilot like that's what I do I fly shuttles but I never thought I'd actually fucking fly." 

He wolfed down the rest of his food and then got up to hurry out of the cave. Astia followed behind him quickly. 

"Pilot?" 

"It means I fly a big ship, remember, I told you I'm from space." He called back, going way faster than she was to get out of there and try out the wings. Maybe it was the potion, but he believed that he'd be very good at this very quickly if he just tried it. It could also be just way too much confidence so there was only one way to test it out and that was to start flapping and see where it took him. At least Astia had wings on her back, she could at least give him pointers. "Come on! Teach me how to use these puppies!" 

"What?" 

"It's a...saying. Alright, let's fly." He said turning to look at her once they were out of the cave. She gave him a nod but he could tell she thought he was completely out of his mind. It didn't matter much to him what she thought as long as she went through with her promise. How cool was this? He'd seriously just fly up into this tower and get Alara. Then no one would ever question how badass his flying skills were ever again. Especially her. 

* * *

"Mercer to Orville we found the wreck," Ed said over the communications channel once they had landed. Except, there was no response. Well, at least that immediately told him why they hadn't been able to contact Gordon and Alara, despite the crash. 

"That explains it." Kelly said a moment later. 

"Yeah, figured it out." He said then got up and walked out of the shuttle. At least they had a working shuttle here now, but the problem was going to be searching the entire planet for the two missing crew members, of which they couldn't pick up at all on scans outside of the planet. What made matters worse was that this was an entirely uncharted area. They had no idea what they were facing here. 

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Kelly asked. 

"Nothing...sorry, just a bit concerned for Alara." He said. Kelly gave him a look, "And Gordon." 

"Right, if anything you should be more concerned for Gordon." She said, "Do you like her?" 

"I like all of my crew." He said, avoiding the real answer to that as he was very aware of what she meant by the statement. 

"Except me, it would seem." 

"Well, we all know why that is." He said then grinned. She glared at him and started to walk towards the wreckage, he followed closely behind her. "How exactly do we go about finding them anyway?" 

"I have no idea." She sighed. It was at that point that the men on horses approached, much like they had before when Alara and Gordon had crashed. The two of them looked up once they heard the hoofbeats. "This is interesting." 

"You got that right," Ed muttered under his breath. Once the men on horseback had stopped, the apparent leader hopped down and removed the helmet from his suit of armor. He was the amazingly good looking prince charming type of knight that once would see in fairytale movies and read about in novels. This instantly attracted the attention of Kelly who smiled stupidly at him and this did not go unnoticed by Ed who's gaze kept shifting between her and the new guy who (to him) was far too pretty to qualify as handsome. Except, what did he know? She also liked blue aliens enough to cheat on him and destroy a marriage. 

"Hi, I'm Captain Mercer of the-"

"EXPLAIN YOUR CARRIAGE!" The knight ordered, pointing at the shuttle. 

"Well to start with it's not a carriage it's-"

"SILENCE!" 

"Do you want me to explain or not?" Ed asked. The knight turned to look at Kelly and approached her, completely ignoring Ed. He dropped to one knee and took her hand, kissing the back of it suavely. Kelly giggled, actually giggled. Something that Ed hadn't heard her do in a very long time. "Okay, he's not even that hot." 

"What is a fair maiden doing with a cretin like that? Allow me to come to your aid." He said. 

"Cretin?" Kelly asked, "Well I don't know about that...more like...minor annoyance." She said in a dreamy voice. It was then that Ed had to consider something else was at play here than Kelly just liking the guy. Even more troublesome, there were people here. People that looked very much like earthlings and given the clothing and manner of speaking, they were far far away from figuring out space travel which would get them into serious trouble. Well, it wasn't as if they had known that this planet was inhabited before landing. Hopefully, that would be a good enough excuse to get them out of hot water when they had to write this in their reports. 

"Okay, look here Dreamy McBlueEyes, we are looking for the people who would have crashed in this shuttle," Ed said, interrupting whatever was going on with Kelly and the knight to try to get some information. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back, which seemed to jostle her out of whatever spell she had been under. She shook her head and looked at Ed. 

"Dreamy McBlueEyes?" She whispered to him. 

"What manner of travel is your carriage?" The knight demanded for a second time. 

"I told you, it's not a carriage it's a-"

"SILENCE!" The knight ordered. 

"This is getting us nowhere." Kelly said, "Something is wrong here." 

"Really? You think? You practically ripped your panties off and shoved them down his throat a minute ago." Ed replied. 

"TAKE THEM TO THE QUEEN!" The knight ordered. The few other soldiers on their horses dismounted and came towards them menacingly. At that point, they had no real other option but to run, which they did. Rescuing Gordon and Alara was proving to be a lot more complicated than initially believed. 


	4. Love Quest

The tavern that Alara entered into seemed kind of shady. Normally this would have been good for her if she had all of her strength. She was human now. As much as she was sure she still had her fighting moves and training, she wouldn't have the power behind them. Hopefully, no one would recognize her or who she was supposed to be. How many people were told? How many people would recognize a human version of what she used to be? This place didn't have internet, television, or even a basic newsfeed. Unless her picture was passed around (and she doubted they even had photographers) she should be okay. They did have magic though, crap. That could be a problem.

As she passed by the bar she saw an arrangement of masks sitting out for sale. She glanced around, noticing that no one was paying any attention to the tiny girl in the ripped dress and slipped one of the masks off of the table before hurrying out of there. She made it to the door before someone called out loudly. The sound was jolting so she knew that it was meant to get her attention specifically. She turned, thinking she'd been caught, but there was no way to know and running immediately would definitely denote guilt. 

"What's a pretty thing like you in such a hurry for?" It was a man's voice and once her eyes adjusted to the dim tavern lighting, which was mostly candles, she was able to see that he was well dressed. More well dressed than she'd expect someone to be for a place that looked so seedy. The good news was he didn't seem to think that she stole anything nor was he trying to accuse her of it and he wasn't bad looking. Maybe he could be helpful. 

"Have to get home before I turn into a frog." She said. 

"Damn witches." He sighed. She was surprised that was a legitimate thing there because she completely made it up on the spot. He threw a pouch onto the table in front of him. One she assumed contained some sort of payment, then stood up and walked towards her. "I'll get you home by curfew. No funny business. I promise. My carriage is right outside." 

"Oh well, I don't want to bother any-"

"It's no bother. Really." He smiled it was the exact same charming smile reminiscent of the knights who guarded the Queen's palace. As a human, she wasn't immune to it any longer and she found herself giggling stupidly. 

"Okay," She grinned brightly, "But no funny business." She poked at his chest to punctuate the words as she spoke them. He took her hand gently and kissed the back of it. 

"Never, M'lady." He said. Feeling lightheaded but in good spirits, she allowed him to lead her out of the tavern to his waiting carriage. 

* * *

Gordon quickly found out that flying with actual wings was not nearly the same (or as easy) as flying a ship. Of course, being the level-headed man he usually was his first idea was to run and jump off a small overhang about ten feet from the ground. To which he immediately crashed. Didn't even manage to get the wings open to glide. This wouldn't have been such a big deal had Astia not been standing right there watching him. 

"Ready for actual lessons now?" She asked, not sounding amused. 

"Maybe..." He said then groaned and curled up. It was then that his wings decided to open, and that startled him so they started to flap wildly, one of them smacking him in the face before he got them to stop. "Ow..." 

"Okay...we'll have to start with the basics I see." Astia snickered as she approached and put her hands on his left wing gently to fold it back so she could take his hand and help him up. Once he was on his feet he tried to catch his breath and not look like that had caused as much pain as it had. "Don't think too hard." 

"Not a problem." He said and nodded then closed his eyes. "Wait...I didn't mean that in a way that-"

"Don't worry about it." She laughed, "Just relax, try to feel the muscles in your back, where the wings are." She walked around behind him and ran her hand between his shoulders and the wings as well. It felt nice, and he realized he was starting to fall for a dragon lady that he couldn't possibly have so he went back to attempting to focus on the task at hand. Learning to work the wings so he could fly around and find Alara. That was what was important here. She was right, though, once he was able to locate the muscles in his back that controlled the new appendages he found he could flex them in and out with a bit of focus. He opened his eyes and turned to see what was going on. 

"Awesome." He breathed. 

"Yes, very much." She put a hand on one of the wings running her hand over it. She came around in front of him and put her hands on his face, looking into his eyes. "Try to flap them, just a little. If you slap me with one I'll slap you." 

"Gotcha." He said, but it was hard to think about anything other than the intense eyes she was looking at him with. "You have really...neat eyes you know." 

"Huh?" She asked and took a step back. Her emerald green scales turned a very bright shade of pink but only for a few moments before going back to normal. She shook her head and ran a hand over her horns nervously. She spread her wings after that, they weren't like his. They were more leathery type dragon wings but quite beautiful nonetheless. "Anyway just copy me okay?" 

"Kay..." He said slowly, not sure what that was all about other than maybe the fact that he'd just embarrassed her somehow. 

"Get them out, like this." She said. "Might help if you put your arms out too." She did just that to show him. He nodded and put his arms out, and his wings followed. She smiled at him, once again showing her pristine, white fangs. 

"Okay now move them, less up and down and more kind of circular." She said showing him the motion slowly. He watched her for a long moment before he was able to even slightly duplicate what she was doing. It took a good five minutes to really get going with it, to a point he could actually control it. "Good, faster..."

"Think I'm getting this." He said as he felt them speed up. She laughed and clapped her hands together happily before she used her wings in two very strong flaps to lift her up off of the ground. She flew up about twenty feet or so and hovered there. 

"Come up here." She called, "You can do it. I'm sure." He looked up at her wishing he had as much confidence in himself as she had in him and tried. This was much harder to do, and he ended up hitting himself in the face at least two more times before actually managing to push off of the ground and duplicate what she had done. Once he was up there he was incredibly excited that he'd done it. 

"Oh my God I actually did it, this is awesome!" He said looking at her, then instantly lost focus and crashed to the ground again. She sighed and shook her head, lowering herself back down there to land gracefully, folding her wings again. She knelt by his side and put a hand on his arm gently. 

"Gordon?" She asked leaning in close. His eyes opened slowly, he felt a bit dazed. 

"You're beautiful..." he muttered and completely passed out moments later. 

* * *

"Look, I can't answer questions if you keep telling me to-"

"SILENCE!" The guard yelled at him. 

"And that's part of the problem," Ed muttered. He'd been moved to some dungeon in what looked like a large palace. It couldn't have looked more stereotypically enchanted and fairytale if it had tried. He didn't know what they'd done with Kelly but he also wasn't incredibly worried. By the time they'd gotten back she was so in love with the blue-eyed knight she'd been riding with that he doubted she was going to give them any issues. He seemed equally enamored with her. Which left him to be the prisoner. He was sure that whatever was happening with her was some sort of spell or enchantment but there wasn't anything he could do about it. His number one priority was getting them all out of there, come hell or high water. 

"Okay, guy..." He said, he didn't know anyone's name and literally all of the knights were clones of each other. One equally as handsome and dreamy as the next. Well, what he would assume was dreamy to someone attracted to that type of man. They certainly weren't ugly. He knew that much. "What I landed in was a spaceship. I know that's not easy for you to comprehend and quite frankly we broke all sorts of rules doing it. We aren't even supposed to be interacting with you. So, if you let us go we'll all leave." 

"All?" The man asked approaching the bars of the cell that Ed was now trapped behind. 

"Yeah, all of us." 

"You and your maiden?" 

"And the other two crewmembers that landed here, that I mentioned several times before now. You know you really aren't good at interrogation if you don't at least listen to what your hostage says." He pointed out. "Seriously do all of you share the same brain or something?" 

"SILENCE!" 

"I give up." He sighed and moved away from the bars in order to go sit on what passed for a bed in that cell. 

"Wait, two others." The man said, "The troll and the witch?" 

"Troll? Witch?" Ed asked it was only a moment later that he realized the man definitely meant Gordon and Alara. He wasn't sure why Gordon would be considered a witch but he could possibly see Alara passing as a troll, but only to these people who would have never seen a Xelayan in their lifetime. "That's definitely them." 

"The witch has been sent on a love quest to save his maiden." One of the other guards said from across the room, barely looking up from whatever he was reading. "Not a good witch either, never even tried to use his powers." 

"Yeah, that's because he's not one." Ed said, "Okay whatever, that's the least of my problems right now. Love quest? Maiden?" 

"Yes." The first guard said, "He informed us that he had been cursed by a wizard and sent to the other side of the planet where the trolls are. He became betrothed to one there, this is not something you know of?" Ed's eyes shifted back and forth nervously because this was quite possibly the dumbest and most hilarious thing he'd ever heard at the same time so he was rendered speechless. 

"Right, silly me. Must have slipped my mind." Ed said. It was pretty clear they were never going to buy anything he was saying about being from space and since he couldn't contact The Orville from where he was for whatever reason, there wasn't exactly a way to prove it. Get more people down there. In fact, it would be highly advisable no one came down there. They were already breaking a massive load of laws, to begin with, and he couldn't afford to have these people interact with any more of them than they had to. "He's my brother, kind of gets into trouble a lot as you can probably tell. Really bad with magic. If you tell me where he is I'll go get him and his...uh...maiden and you'll never hear from us again." 

"He was sent on a love quest." The other one called again as if he was annoyed and Ed was the stupid one. 

"Then I'll just go on whatever path he took. Right?" 

"We do not know what path he took to the tower, we are not allowed to tell him the path to take. His heart must guide him." The first guard informed him. "You know nothing of love quests." 

"Never been on one," Ed replied. 

"That explains why your maiden is now with Aiden. You never proved your love." The man told him. 

"Aiden, that's totally not a gay name," Ed muttered. 

"What?" The guard asked. 

"What?" Ed replied quickly, "Look she's not even my maiden she's my sister and she's already betrothed so he better not touch her." 

"If she had found true love then she would not be enchanted by him." The man said, "But if she is your sister we will take good watch on her until you return. Aiden get him his map and supplies!" 

"Right Aiden!" The other one called back and got up, setting his book down. 

"Are all of you named Aiden?" Ed asked. 

"Of course!" 

"Doesn't that get confusing?" 

"To who?" Aiden asked. 

"You know what, it doesn't matter." Ed said, "Just get me my stuff, I have a feeling this is going to be a long trip and I'll need some time to think." He laid back on the bed and closed his eyes. This place was horribly confusing and not only that, it didn't seem to run on any sort of science, fact, or logic. It was literally all magic. The knights were clones of each other and shared the same name. On this world Alara passed as a troll, Gordon was supposed to be a witch, and the more ridiculous the lie he came up with the more it was believed. This didn't even make sense because one of them would surely think that the story about the spaceship was a lie, making it sound like the truth. Except lies were truth here... _because it was a fairytale_. Huh. Nothing was as it seemed. Alright, maybe he'd just figured something out. At least he hoped. It was at very least a start. 

 


	5. Lizard Tongue

When Gordon woke up again he was back in the cave. He sighed, trying to remember what happened as he sat up. He was sore, but nothing appeared to be broken. Astia was over by the fire making something, it smelled good. He wondered what weird new mythical animal he was going to be eating next, but then he remembered Alara. He stood up but immediately felt dizzy and had to sit back down. Astia heard this and turned to look at him, quickly coming towards him with a bowl of something. 

"Hey, careful. You hit your head." She said. "I gave you something to help but a few side effects, nothing to worry they will clear by morning and we can try this again." 

"What? Morning? No, I have to try this now. You don't understand. My friend is out there!" He said and tried to stand up again but she pushed him back into place. 

"Friend? I thought she was your betrothed." Astia replied. 

"It's a long story, a lot of it has to do with me being a spaceman." He said. She looked at him and nodded but didn't try to ask any questions to clarify. She just put the bowl in his hand, it already had a spoon in it and walked back to the fire. He smelled the food, some type of stew, and then started to eat it. Nothing she had fed him so far had done him any harm and she could literally set him on fire with her mouth if she chose to. He didn't think she was in the business of trying to harm him. He sat back and started to eat. 

"You said I was beautiful." She said softly. 

"Huh?" He asked, not able to remember saying it, but he'd certainly remembered thinking it more than a few times. "Oh...sorry? I mean where I come from that's a compliment." 

"I know it's a compliment." She said, "No human has ever even dared to..."

"Well you are beautiful and I'm not just any human. If you haven't noticed, most of the humans here are idiots." He told her then continued eating. She got her own bowl and came back over to where he was to sit down next to him. Resting back she just started to drink from the bowl instead of attempting to use any utensils. 

"I've certainly noticed." She said, "Do you like me then?" 

"Of course I like you. You're a very nice...dragon...thing?" He asked, "I mean no one else has tried to help me like this. How could I not like you?" 

"No, I mean like, as a mate." She said. 

"Mate?" He asked and then his eyes went wide. He certainly couldn't say no to that, but the question was more if he should say no to that. He was going to have to leave this planet eventually. Didn't matter if it was two days from now or two years. This was just an impossible situation which made it harder to answer that the way he wanted to.  "Astia, the truth is that I'm going to have to leave, regardless of how much I would also like to be your mate or not. Which is not me saying I don't like you because I really do. Like, a lot, but I'm technically breaking laws of my own people sitting here talking to you like this. I'm also fairly sure someone's going to try to court marshal me for obtaining actual wings. What I'm saying is, that it's actually better for you not to get invested in me because I will leave." 

"I can't pretend to understand that I comprehend where you are from, though I believe you because you smell like stardust. However, there is no sense in living in the future and avoiding all the joys the present can bring you." She said and set her bowl aside, "Why not take today what you cannot have tomorrow, if only for the experience?" 

"Huh?" He asked kind of surprised she didn't get mad at him or maul him to death. She crawled towards him, looking into his eyes deeply then she smiled. 

"If I am going to be sad when you leave, may as well make you worth my time, don't you think?" She grinned and ripped his shirt open with her claws, moving to kiss him passionately and he didn't even consider trying to stop her. She kind of had a point. 

* * *

Alara's newest problem was trying to figure out when she'd gotten in this guy's carriage and why. Something about his eyes or his smile. She had stopped paying attention to him when she became worried about Gordon and where he could possibly be. It was enough to break the enchantment she didn't know he had over her because it took priority over lust. Gordon could be dead for all she knew. Or still in some dungeon being tortured. He also wasn't exactly the most capable on his own if he had to actually go on a mission. She didn't think he was completely stupid, he was an amazing pilot but nowhere near a good investigator, fighter, liar...

"Miss-" The man interrupted her thoughts. She turned and looked at him. "Your name, what was it?" 

"Ala...na." She said changing it mid-syllable. Even if no one knew what she looked like they'd certainly know her name. Hopefully, Alana wasn't weird on that planet and he'd just let it go. He nodded so she was in the clear. 

"And where do you hail from?" 

"Uh....this is a lovely carriage." She said, "Is all of this wood hand carved?" There was no way for her to answer his question other than to tell him she was from a starship and a different planet called Xelaya, so her best bet was to distract him. She was lucky that it worked because a moment later he was telling her all about the carriage and the wood it was made out of and a bunch of other things she really did not care about. She just listened to him and nodded along as if she were actually interested in what he had to say while she attempted to think up some way to explain where she was from. 

This was place was like a fairytale. As Gordon had said, though at the time he seemed far more excited about it. The fairytales on her planet were quite different, however, they all had the key theme of unbelievable stuff happening, sometimes magical or that defied science, in order to tell some type of cautionary tale. Though she didn't know many human fairytales, she did know that they had something to do with magic and romance and that they were all entirely fictional. If this was a place based on that logic, instead of the logic of science, then maybe the key was to lie. In other words, tell her own fairytale. 

"Now," The man said, after finishing his rambling about the wood, "Where is it you hail from?" 

"Far beyond the north star in a land that would not be familiar to you. I am a traveler." She said. He nodded and then looked at her in a way that was telling her to continue. "I got lost, very badly lost. I've kind of depended on the kindness of strangers until this point. My clothes are tattered and worn, see?" 

"A fair maiden like you should be well taken care of. Not lost." He insisted, "We will go back to my palace and I will see to it you are looked after in the manner that should fit a princess like you." He smiled that charming smile once more and she found herself lost in his eyes again, forgetting for the moment that she wasn't an actual princess. 

* * *

"This map is useless," Ed said as he looked over the parchment he'd been given. He was standing next to the horse which was very specifically on loan to him until he got back. They made this clear enough. He didn't see why it mattered. Once he found Gordon and Alara he was getting them back to the shuttle and the horses could just stay where they were. The map just had illustrations and vague city names here and there. Then there was a drawing of a tower, which he had been told was where Alara would be and where Gordon had been sent. The only problem was there was no sort of compass or way to gauge how far apart anything was from anything else. No wonder they'd given Gordon two weeks to finish this mission. 

"I don't see why I had to be dragged along for this," Kelly said, folding her arms over her chest. She wasn't in her uniform anymore. She was in a corset, which pushed her boobs up nearly to her chin. Ed was finding it hard to look at her and also talk to her so he avoided one while doing the other as much as possible. He'd been given more time frame appropriate clothing as well. Including a codpiece, and he wasn't even sure how he recognized what the hell it was other than an educated guess. It was not comfortable. 

"You're my sister, I have to look after you." He said. 

"You do know how much I hate you for that, right?" She asked, "How do I even get on this thing?" She motioned to the horse she'd been loaned from the Queen. He sighed and put his hands down, weaving his fingers together and looked at her. 

"I'll give you a boost." He said. 

"This is a very bad idea, I'm telling you right now." She warned him. 

"Giving you a boost?" He asked. She stepped on his hands and used them to help pull herself onto the horse. Normally she'd have been fine doing it herself but the corset was restricting her breathing. At least the skirt under it was nice enough. Loose. Far more loose than the pants Ed was wearing that were so tight it looked like someone painted them on him. 

"No," She said and grabbed onto the reigns, "Getting me on a horse. An actual horse. Hell, I'm not even a fan of simulation horses. Unless I'm riding with someone." 

"Yeah, I've seen that simulation. Prince Charming fantasy and all. At least it explains why you were so into Aiden. When's the wedding? I could probably scare up a goat for your dowry." He replied then wiped his hands off on his pants and headed to his horse, pulling himself up quickly. 

"Shut up." She snapped. "Which way do we go?" 

"The tower appears to be due north," He said pointing in that direction and looking back at her. "Hopefully that's the same direction Gordon went." He kicked his horse and it started to move. He'd been given a sword, bow, and arrows as well. Kelly had been given a very small ration of food and clean water. No weapon. 

"And if it isn't?" 

"Then we die out here," Ed muttered. It wasn't that he wanted that to happen but if the map was anywhere near truthful there were dragons and monsters out there. Large ones. Things he'd have to fight with a sword before they swallowed him. If they didn't find Gordon and Alara quickly there might be no chance of finding them at all. 

* * *

The next time Gordon woke up, Astia was cooking again. He felt great and had anyone ever told him that he'd have sex with a dragon lady he'd have called them a liar. Well, that was before now. She was pretty awesome. He was going to miss that when he had to leave. He sat up and reached for his uniform, only to realize it was probably going to be impossible to put back on due to his new wings. At least the pants still fit, and so he pulled those on first. Astia came back over to him with a tray of food and smiled. 

"Quick meal then we fly again. Perhaps this time we can actually attempt to head towards the tower?" She asked him. He took the tray of food and sat back down on the bed, grabbing the fork so he could start eating. 

"Sounds like a plan." He said, "You're...uh...well I like you a lot. I'm going to miss you when this is over." 

"I feel the same," She said and sat down across from him. "However, we should cherish the moments we do have while we have them, as I said last night. I do not regret anything that has happened between us." 

"Me either. Except the fact that no one is ever going to believe it." He laughed. 

"If they are your true friends they will." She said and then sighed, "So this maiden we are to rescue, she is your betrothed?" 

"Not really, it's a long story. She's from the stars. Like me. We work on the same ship. You know it's like a pirate ship but for space." He explained. 

"That must be exciting." She said sounding in awe of him. 

"Meh," He shrugged, "It can be, I mean like right now it totally is. Most days we are just star mapping and other mundane tasks. I realize to you it wouldn't be but once you do it over and over and over-"

"No, I understand." She said, "I suppose it would be as if I flew around every day trying to map out an area I already knew by heart." 

"Exactly." He said. Despite the odd logic of this planet and whatever the hell was going on, he appreciated that she was easy to talk to and didn't think anything he said made him a raving lunatic. 

"I will help you find your friend and get home." She told him, "That is what is most important. If it is any consolation to you I don't believe you would find peace here. As boring as you think your space job is, you'd be very bored here as well." 

"Only after I had seen all there was to see." He said, "But ultimately I know you are right." He finished up his food then set the tray aside and got to his feet. He started to look around for his boots. Once he had found them, and put them on, he turned to look at her again. She was standing there holding an interesting looking...well it was almost like armor. 

"This will fit over your chest, and torso area but it will protect you from arrows and swords as well." She told him and helped him get it on. It was lighter than it looked despite it clearly being made out of steel or whatever their planet equivalent of that was. "It is not magic proof." 

"Well, can't have it all." He laughed, "Man this looks awesome." 

"Glad you like it." She smiled. "Now, we haven't much more time to spare. Let's get moving." She grabbed a bag and strapped it to herself. It fit neatly between her wings. He didn't know what was in it but he assumed it was supplies of some sort. She then grabbed a sword and came over to it, sliding it into the sheath that appeared built into the armor she'd just put on him. She placed her hand on his chest for a moment but didn't say anything before she headed out. He hurried behind her, hoping he wouldn't make a total ass out of himself this time. They needed to find Alara and he'd just wasted two days being seduced by a dragon lady. Oh well, it was probably worth it. She might understand. Or she'd just punch him.  _Crap_.

* * *

 

Alara was shocked when they arrived at a massive palace. The gates that opened for them appeared to be made out of solid gold and the ride up to the front was at least a mile long, if not longer. The spell that had been placed on her by the charming smile of the handsome man who had brought her there was once again broken as she became concerned. It was for herself this time. She was nearly positive that this man was actually a prince. As in, the prince of this whole screwed up kingdom and he was taking her right back to the very place she didn't want to be. Though she had no memory of being here in the first place, only blacking out and waking up in the tower as a human in a horribly uncomfortable gown, this had to be where it all started, right? 

"This is where you live? You're...the prince?" She asked him in total disbelief to the situation. He laughed. 

"Yes, you don't know of the Charming family?" 

"You've got to be kidding me." She muttered. His name was literally Prince Charming. That was just awesome. 

"Pardon?" 

"Nothing." She said and gave him the biggest fake 'everything is okay' smile she'd ever managed to muster in any situation that was ever uncomfortable. "It's just, you know, I'm not royalty so-"

"You are by far beautiful enough to pass as such. Don't worry, mother won't mind as long as you look the part." He said, placing his hand over hers and giving it a few gentle pats. She rolled her eyes. She might look the part as of now, but she didn't look that way when she was her actual species. If she had been sent to the tower on the Queen's orders then there was no way in hell that woman wouldn't know who she was. Her only hope was to avoid meeting this queen at all costs and if she couldn't do that, she could hide her face somehow. Oh, right! She still had the mask. She'd just need to come up with an excuse to use it. 

When the carriage stopped, the doors were opened for them and Prince Charming got out, then reached his hand into the carriage. She didn't take it and got out herself, hopping down and looking around. This place was massive. Immediately after that point she put the mask on and he gave her an odd look. 

"I'm shy." She said. 

"Didn't seem it in the carriage." 

"Well, you're a nice man but I prefer to, you know...get to know people first." She replied. 

"Alright then, as long as I can still see your beautiful face whenever I want." He said, reaching up to stroke her cheek. She resisted the urge to punch him, and throw up, just smiling uncomfortably again and giving him a nod. He took her by the wrist and started to lead her into the palace. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She was about to be so damn screwed. 


	6. Extaberry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update I'm more inspired to write Catch My Fall, in the moment, I do like this story too, a lot, but my writing motivation is very finicky so just bare with me.

Once they had been in the air for about five minutes, Gordon felt he had the hang of this new flying thing. He was definitely going to miss this when it went away. She had said that the wings would last for a fortnight. He assumed that the faster they got to Alara the faster he'd be leaving, which meant that he'd probably have his wings on the ship. That was if Ed or someone else didn't command they be medically removed. Yeah, he was going to definitely fight them on that as long as he could. Back on earth, he could only imagine the type of attention they'd draw from women. 

"So, how long until we get to the tower?" Gordon asked as he moved to fly next to her. They were really high up but he knew he was completely in control. Even Astia seemed impressed at how quickly he picked up on the flying thing. She told him she couldn't imagine any other human being so good within a day of getting wings. He liked that. 

"It will take about a day of travel. When night falls it would be best to camp. It's why I brought my bag. If we leave early tomorrow and don't waste time we can be there by sunset." She said. He nodded. That sucked. He was kind of hoping there would be a lot more flying involved in this mission before having to get to Alara but he supposed it was best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

* * *

It had been a restless night for Alara. It had been hard enough to get away from Prince Charming too. She had to convince him she was already betrothed, just lost. Made up some weird story about dragons and wizards and how she got separated. Even though she'd initially told him she was a traveler, he didn't even remember that part. It was almost as if whenever she made up a story it replaced the old story that she had told. It always came back to her how Gordon had said this place was like a fairy tale or a storybook and she was starting to see that if that was the case, lies would be truth and truth would be lies. The more absurd the explanation, the more likely they were to believe it. At very least it worked to her advantage but her time would run out if the queen saw her. Surely she'd be figured out then. 

There was also the problem of the trances she seemed to go into when she was around him. She noticed them, when they happened, but only because she kept falling out of them. It seemed that when she started to worry about real people that she actually cared about, she was drawn back to the real world. It was only then that she realized something was going on. That these people were messing with her head, or at very least Prince Charming was. She never got his first name and she didn't care to find it out either. 

They had given her a chance to clean up. There were about eight servants who tried to attend to her in order to do that until she dismissed them. At least she'd been able to bathe. There were no showers here but it had been decently relaxing. She was now in the long, elaborate, and surely expensive nightgown they had given her. She'd made sure the door was latched so no one could come in without knocking first. The only problem she really had now was that if she was supposed to be at the tower and Gordon somehow knew that and was looking for her there, she was pretty far from it now. Or she could only assume that would be the case. She still had the key that the little troll or dwarf thing had given her. Billy, of no determinable gender. She knew she couldn't stay there so the key may be her best option. 

She grabbed it, from where it was hidden under her pillow, and walked over to her bedroom door. She stuck the key in and unlatched the top latch of the door above the lock. Then she turned the key and opened the door. When she looked around, she seemed to be in a stable. She shoved the door open and walked through, letting it shut behind her. It would be helpful if she even knew how to work the key to take her specifically to where she needed to go, but at least it was doing something. It looked like she was probably going to be stealing a horse and booking it out of there as fast as she could. 

* * *

"Are we lost?" Kelly asked. 

"We are not lost," Ed said, seemingly for the fifteenth time in the last hour. It was a complete lie but there was no way he was going to tell Kelly they were lost. The thing was that there wasn't even a way to tell where they were going, or how they were supposed to get there. A vague map with some drawings and words on it served basically no purpose on this love quest or whatever it was supposed to be for them. 

"That's the face you make when you are lost." She replied. 

"I do not make a face when I'm lost." He said. 

"Yeah you do, it's kind of like this..." She said and then let her jaw go slack and eyes go blank giving herself a very idiotic expression. Ed really hated to admit that he was pretty sure he looked like that when he was confused or lost, or really anything else happened that he couldn't grasp. He snorted in frustration and looked around. A moment later he kicked his horse and got it walking again. This caused Kelly's horse to fall into step behind him. 

"Hey look!" He pointed off in the distance where there were a few plumes of smoke. "That's probably a town or something, we can ask them there." 

"Ed, the people here don't seem very helpful. Or bright. I mean they have like a 100 guards all named Aiden who are like, clones of each other. They aren't smart either, and they guard the palace. What hope do you think the townspeople have? Besides, we shouldn't be talking to them anyway." She said. 

"I realize we shouldn't be talking to them but if we don't, we also can't leave." He said. "We are dressed like them, and it's not like they have some mass communication system here. We can probably pass ourselves off as locals, no problem." 

"Yeah, if you don't keep repeating how much of a spaceman you are," Kelly said. 

"Do you have any better ideas? Because if not, we are going with mine." He insisted then kicked his horse and got it to go faster. He heard Kelly yelp in surprise behind him and chuckled as his horse sped into a canter, her horse following his lead. She had no choice but to go as fast as him. He didn't know if this was because this was a natural thing horses did depending on who they saw as the leader (or alpha) or because they were magically programmed to do it. Either way, he did like the fact that she had no control over where her horse would go or how fast, and he was going to use that to the best of his ability. 

* * *

As the sun started to set they landed on a cliff that overlooked a lot of the kingdom. Gordon was far less tired from all of that than he assumed he'd be. Probably because a lot of flying seemed to just be gliding and it certainly was easier than walking around moving his legs all day. Astia easily started a fire with her flame breath and lit a few torches to light the area as well. Gordon sat down by the fire and she got a few things out of her bag then looked around. 

"Damn, we'll need something to eat. Stay right here I'll be back." She said and then got up and flew off. He didn't get a chance to say anything to her before she left but he assumed that she was just going to go kill them something eat. A thing she'd be way better at than him. He wasn't opposed to killing animals to eat, but he knew he'd be insanely bad at it. He also wouldn't have the first idea how to skin an animal, gut it correctly, and carve it up. This never really bothered him before now. He kind of wished he was a bit more useful in the survival area of things. 

He got up and grabbed one of the torches and started to look around the area. The problem was that he had no way of knowing what was poisonous and what was okay to eat. Things looked similar to what he was used to but not quite the same. There was a bush with what looked like strawberries on it not too far from where he was standing, but that didn't mean they were strawberries and that they should be consumed. He didn't have a scanner to test it out either. He supposed that Astia would know so he started to gather anything that seemed edible so he could bring it back to the camp and have her tell him what was okay to eat and what wasn't. 

"OUT OF THE WAY, I CAN'T STOP THIS THING!" He heard a frantic voice yell. He turned and saw a horse barreling right at him. Oddly enough the first thing he thought was to fly straight up, which he did. The horse bolted right under him and came to a stop right before it would have trampled over the fire. It reared back and threw the person riding from it. He swooped down quickly and caught her in his arms. Luckily she was small or he'd have probably lost his entire flight balance and plan there. 

"Woah hold on there." He said as he brought them back down to earth. 

"Gordon?" 

"Huh?" He pulled back and saw that the person he was holding was indeed Alara. Well, this was an interesting turn of events. "Alara...holy shit you really are human." 

"You knew about that?" She asked, "Wait, why do you have wings?" 

"Where did you get a horse? And how did you get out of that tower?" He replied. 

"Long story." She sighed, "This your campsite then? Were you looking for me?" 

"No, I just like camping in the middle of nowhere trying to gamble on what berries might kill me or allow me to live." He said. She rolled her eyes and went to sit on one of the rocks by the fire. The horse, now that it had calmed, snorted and walked over to a grassy area to graze. Gordon sat down across from her. "Even if I told you how I got wings I don't think you'd believe me." 

"Then we are in the same boat because I don't think you'll believe how I got out of that tower." She said. 

"Huh..." He said, "Fits the whole motif of this planet then. Unbelievable stories being truth, that is." 

"You go first." She said. 

"Fine but don't call me a liar. I'm not creative enough to make up this much stuff." He warned. "They thought you were a troll so they took you and made you human and put you in a tower then I told them that you were like...you know...going to be my bride cause of some curse an evil wizard put on me. That's a whole other story. They told me if I wanted to get you back I had to find you in the tower, rescue you, and I could change you back with my kiss. Except I don't think that will work because we aren't really in love and I think that's what breaks the spell." 

"WHAT?!" She yelled. It didn't at all explain why he had wings but it was definitely not something she actually wanted to hear in the moment. "Oh...MY GOD!" Before any of this could continue, Astia landed by them with some kind of mythical dear thing draped over her shoulders. She dropped it by the fire and looked over at them. 

"We have a guest?" Astia asked. 

"What is...who are you?" Alara asked. 

"Oh that's Astia, she's the one who gave me the wings," Gordon said. 

"Wow slow down." Alara said, "So between the point where you lied and said I was your fiancee and now, what happened?" 

"I did the only thing I could do. I took the horse they gave me and I tried to find you with the crappy map they gave me. I stopped to camp and...let's just say some villagers chased me into a cave where I met Astia because that's where she lives." Gordon said. 

"You do not fear me?" Astia asked Alara. She unsheathed a knife from a holster around her thigh and started to skin the animal she had just killed. 

"Why would I?" Alara asked, "I mean you startled me but only because I didn't expect you to basically fall out of the sky." 

"She didn't fall she-"

"Landed with extreme prejudice?" Alara interrupted him. 

"Ha ha." Gordon rolled his eyes, "All she did was land, and she brought us food, could you have done any better?" 

"Not while I'm human, no." She said, "Either way I can't beat her, she can fly." 

"Oh, is this the one? Your betrothed?" Astia asked, motioning to Alara for a moment with the knife before going back to work. "Suppose that saves us a lot of trouble." 

"Yes...I mean no. She's my friend. Remember I told you that it wasn't like that?" He asked. Astia paused for a moment as if she was thinking and then nodded. 

"Right. Continue then." She replied and continued working. Gordon looked back at Alara who was looking at him suspiciously. 

"What?" 

"You sound a bit defensive about that. Did you sleep with her?" She asked. 

"Wait hang on a minute you need to explain how you got out of a magic tower," Gordon told her trying to change the subject. Luckily it worked because Alara began to explain to him where she woke up, something about a troll or dwarf named Billy, and getting a magical key that seemed to open different portals into the world. Eventually, it led her to a stable where she knocked out two guards and stole a horse. Except she realized she didn't exactly know how to ride a horse and lost control of it. Which was exactly why they had met up in the first place. By the time she finished the story Astia was starting to toss meat into a pot she'd brought with her. She moved it onto the fire and added some type of liquid from a bottle in her bag. 

"Only the kiss of true love will release that curse," Astia informed them, breaking the silence that had fallen. 

"That should be simple enough." Gordon said, "Who are you in love with? They around here anywhere?" 

"I'm not in love with anyone," Alara told him, mainly because it was the truth. 

"Okay fine, have a crush on anyone? Would that work?" He looked at Astia. 

"Possibly. I would assume the spell could confuse lust with love." She shrugged, "She'd have to try it though." 

"Good, so...do you have a crush on anyone? I mean even if just slightly." Gordon asked her. She stared at him for a long moment like she definitely had someone in mind but knew better than to tell him who that was, then she shook her head and went back to normal, trying to act casual about it. 

"No one I can think of." She said and motioned dismissively with her hand, "Look, I'm sure if we find the queen we can just talk to her and-" 

"And what? She'd have us beheaded, also, I know you're lying." Gordon said, "You damn well thought of someone just now you don't want to tell me who. That much is obvious. So either you spit it out or guess what? You're human. FOREVER. Also blond for some reason. It's a good color on you." 

"SHUT UP!" She shouted at him. "Sorry, just...it's a weird situation. I'll probably feel better after I've had some actual food." 

"Certainly hope so," Gordon muttered. 

* * *

Ed and Kelly weren't getting very far with the townspeople who didn't seem to like them just based on how they were dressed. It seemed that their clothing was more for nobility and they were all peasants and didn't think they were allowed to interact with people of such a high status. People were civil enough but they definitely weren't helpful and that was getting to be very irritating. Eventually, they found themselves in a tavern, sitting at a table, where food was immediately brought to them. Ed had attempted to explain to the servers that he didn't exactly have money but they insisted it was on the house. Being that he was hungry he grabbed what seemed to resemble a giant turkey leg to eat. 

"What are you doing?" Kelly asked and slapped his hand down. 

"Eating?" 

"I don't think so." She said, "For all you know that could kill you." 

"It's turkey, Kel...or at least closely related. I'll take my chances. I'm the captain here." He picked the meat back up and took a bite. It certainly tasted like turkey, not like poison, so he felt confident in his decision. She didn't seem very intent on eating anything. "You might want to try the food while you have a chance. It's good, actually." 

"We need to find Gordon and Alara." 

"Are we going to be able to do that if we starve to death?" 

"Oh boo hoo it's barely been 12 hours." She said then grabbed what looked like a strawberry from a dish and took a bite. "You know, this is quite possibly the dumbest-" She paused and a stupid grin spread across her face. Then she started to laugh. Ed knew that laugh very well. She was drunk. He grabbed her wrist and took the strawberry looking fruit from it and smelled it. 

"Wow is that the strongest alcohol I ever smelled." He said and moved it away from him quickly. At very least he hadn't been the one to try that. Well, maybe he regretted it a tad, considering that he would feel better if he could have something resembling alcohol. Except now Kelly was drunk so he was going to be forced to stay sober just to make sure nothing crazy happened. Or crazier than what was currently happening. 

"You...are one good looking man." She said, putting her hand on his face, attempting to pet it like she might pet a dog. There had to be more than just alcohol in this fruit, but what, he didn't know. It had hit her way too quickly for it to only be booze. She was a decent drinker and could normally hold her liquor. 

"You've been drugged," Ed said, as he pulled her hand away from his face. He looked around, "Hey, the hell is this fruit...berry thing?" He asked holding up the bitten piece of strawberry. Kelly laughed and then fell forward landing with her head in his lap. Then immediately started to snore. There were mutters from the townspeople as they wondered how he didn't know what an 'extaberry' was. Now he knew the name, at least, but that didn't explain anything. Or maybe it did. If anything that name sounded very close to ecstasy so what was the closest human equivalent? 

"Your lap is lumpy and this codpiece is very hard," Kelly said, lifting her head. She knocked on it a few times like it was a door. "Hello in there Ed's penis, are you comfortable?" 

"Well, that's quite enough," Ed said and stood up quickly, pulling her with him. 

"The effects should only be temporary." A man said from the back of the tavern. He stood up and came towards him. He was middle-aged and had neon blue hair. He spoke with a British accent just like everyone else around them. "You are not from around here, are you?" 

"How'd you ever guess?" Ed asked, "How long do the effects last?" 

"Half past an hour or so." He said, "Supposed to take smaller bites." 

"Where we're from, the fruit that looks like that doesn't cause intoxication," Ed told him. The man nodded and then turned towards the exit. 

"Might want to come with me." He said, "I'll be more helpful here than the other locals." Ed looked at Kelly who was only standing due to the fact that she was so heavily leaned against him. He put an arm around her to stabilize her a bit better before trying to inch her towards the doorway so he actually could follow the man. As much as he was aware it could be a trap he didn't think he had much to lose. 

"Who are you?" Ed asked him, "And why do you want to hel-" 

"All will be revealed in due time." The man told him and opened the tavern door. "I live just down the road there, that house. Think she can make it?" 

"She'll make it, even if I have to carry her." Ed said, "Isn't that right Kel?" 

"Hmmm?" She asked and looked at him, then she looked at the man, "Oh my God your hair is so pretty!" She reached out like she was going to pet his hair and Ed slapped her hand down. She frowned and started to pout. 

"See? She's fine." Ed said. The man nodded, seemingly unfazed by all of this. He headed out of there and down the steps towards the cobblestone road. Ed took one last look inside the tavern since everyone was staring at him and Kelly anyway. He waved and pulled her out of the door. His options in the moment were taking a chance with a weird man or risking a lynch mob forming against them. He knew he could fight one guy off better than fifty so, he moved towards the house. He just hoped it wasn't a mistake. 


	7. Hang Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you thought I forgot about this one LOL I did not and it will be finished just...slowly.

It took forever to walk to a house that wasn't even that far, mostly because of how drunk or high or wasted Kelly was. It was hard to tell. By the time they got there, he walked her to the bed, since it seemed to just be a one-room house, and sat her down on it. The blue haired man followed right behind them. 

"Do you mind if she..." 

"No," He said, "By all means. Remember what it was like when I first got here." 

"Right," Ed said then walked over to the table and sat down. The man grabbed a bottle of what looked like ale and set it down in front of him. He was still willing to bet that it was alcohol and nothing that would kill him so he opened it and took a gulp. It certainly tasted like ale, "So...what do you mean by that?" 

"I'm like you," He said, "Name is David, by the way." 

"Ed and that's Kelly." He replied and motioned to where she was on the bed, "Like me?" 

"Traveler." He said, "Explorer of sorts, not official which I'm assuming you are. I'd have left long ago but I couldn't fix my ship and then whatever magic or...science or...logic runs this planet well it kind of made it vanish I suppose. I realized I didn't have much choice other than pretend that I belong here to survive. It's not so bad. I'm much smarter than most of them so it's easy to make money. Damn taxes all go to the Queen, though." 

"Wait, so you know about space and...how could you-" 

"You two are behaving exactly how I did when I first got here, well, you more than her. Just a shot in the dark, wild guess, but I was right, yeah?" 

"What if you hadn't been?" 

"Guess I would have just had to kill you." He chuckled, "Anyway, you don't get something for nothing so if I'm going to help you..." 

"You want off of this planet?" Ed asked, "Yeah, I'm fine with that. Given that you are telling the truth and this isn't just some type of trick. Otherwise, I'd be in violation of massive-" 

"I'm from Earth, L.A is where I live but I was born in Brixton." He said, "Did a bit of acting here and there but got bored and managed to get my own ship, not quite legally but it's been about thirty years so I doubt anyone is still looking for me." 

"You must have really wanted to leave if you stole a ship," Ed said. 

"I did, and for a while, it wasn't terrible here but God is it boring." He sighed, "So if I help you then you'll get me out of here?" 

"It's the least I can do." He said. "We need to find two of our crew members. One of them was taken by the Queen because she was believed to be a troll. She's in a tower somewhere. The other was sent on a love quest or something. He lied and said they were betrothed. Also, from what I understand she was turned human, the one in the tower I mean." 

"What was she before?" David asked. 

"Xelayan." 

"I could see why these morons would think that meant she was a troll." He rolled his eyes, "She's on your crew? Typically don't they shy away from-" 

"It's a long story and I don't even know all of it but she's my security officer and I have to get her back. The other guy is my pilot." He said, "How do we get to this tower?" 

"That can be tricky." He said, "The location isn't exactly stationary. I mean, it is for the duration that a prisoner is inside of it but then it changes. Helps combat anyone being able to find it easier next time and sell the information. Were you given a map?" Ed nodded and pulled the rolled up parchment he'd been given that had the map on it. He laid it out on the table and used some candlesticks to keep it flattened down. David leaned over to look at it and was quiet for a long moment, which was fine because Ed used the time to finish most of the ale. 

"Looks like they got her up near Yeti's cove." He said, "Good luck." 

"Good luck?" Ed snapped, "Is that all you have to say?" 

"Even I won't try to go up there again, I've never seen a yeti but the weather conditions are brutal." He said, "To even attempt it I'd need far better warm weather gear than I have now. The Queen must have really not liked her." 

"That's just great," Ed muttered and rubbed his eyes. "I can't leave with Kelly drunk like this, or high, so can we just stay here until she sobers up?" 

"Be my guest. It'll be nice to have normal people around after a few decades of dealing with medieval townspeople." David said. 

* * *

When Gordon woke up the next morning, Astia was on top of him with a blanket over her so it was covering him as well. Alara was curled up next to the dying fire but had nothing to cover her. Gordon wondered how this had happened but between all the good food and eating a few of the berries he was told were not poisonous he must have passed out. He tapped Astia on the shoulder and she yawned then lifted her head and looked down at him. 

"Good morning." She smiled. 

"Yeah same but why are you on top of me?" He asked. 

"I'm cold blooded and you are not." She said and got up. She wasn't as heavy as she looked but he figured since her species also was created to fly she probably didn't have as much density as a human would have. He sat up, almost instantly missing the warmth she had been providing him and then stood. He picked up the blanket and draped it over Alara. She whined and rolled over but didn't wake up. 

"So, now that we have her back we are going to have to find a way to get back to the ship." Gordon said, "And I have no idea how to do that because I don't even know where the shuttle crashed or if that would work." 

"It probably would not be too difficult to find where the shuttle crashed," Astia said, "News like that would spread far very quickly. I mean, the Queen would try to dispel it as rumors but the townspeople know better. We just need to get to the nearest small town and ask. By which I mean...her." She pointed at Alara. 

"Why her...oh right dragon and uh...my wings." Gordon said and she nodded, "Well, it looks like her horse stayed so that would be helpful but what about us? I'd need to follow her." 

"We can do that we just need to be careful about being spotted, especially if we fly." She said. "Give me a minute I will determine where the nearest town is." Before he could ask her how she flew straight up into the air. He looked up for a moment then lost sight of her. She probably could fly high enough to see a city and he hadn't yet attempted to do anything like that. He went through Astia's bag of stuff and found a bottle of water and took a few sips then sat down by the fire. 

"Gordon?" Alara muttered. 

"Yeah?" 

"Even if we get back to the ship I don't think it'll work...too badly damaged." She whispered then yawned and rolled over to look at him. "Besides, you remember what happened to communications once we got into the atmosphere. How would we even send out a distress signal?" 

"I don't know." he said, "But it's better than sitting around doing nothing, besides, there are weapons on there we could do with some self-defense beyond swords and bows and arrows," he said. 

"I'm Xelayan I...." She paused, "Crap." 

"We need to fix that too." He said. 

"But how?" She asked. 

"Well, Astia said that it would be love's true kiss to break the spell she said someone you have a crush on also might work then you clearly thought of someone you have a crush on and denied that you even thought of that and the subject was changed." He said. "If you really want to get fixed-" 

"Ed it's Ed okay? But it doesn't matter because...well...how the hell do we get to him? I certainly don't want to trap him here." She snapped. 

"Ed?" Gordon asked and felt himself start to laugh but Alara must have noticed that this was going to happen because she sat up quickly and grabbed him by the collar of the vest he was wearing then looked him dead in the eye. 

"Look, that's just who I thought of when I was asked that doesn't mean that's the only person and...a crush is just a crush. You tell anyone and I will kick your ass." She breathed. Any laughter he thought he might have had welling up inside of him before vanished. She may have been tiny and still human but even with that he was convinced she could kick his ass pretty damn hard if he pissed her off enough.

"Secret is safe with me," He laughed nervously and she let him go. "Wait, what do you mean that's not the only person-"

"Drop it, Gordon." She warned. He shrugged because he didn't want to get more on her bad side than he already seemed to be. Luckily, by that time, Astia landed back by the fire, folding her wings behind her. 

"The nearest town is a few kilometers north. If they haven't heard anything there then we can take a journey to the Royal City where someone will definitely know." She said. 

"How long will that take?" Gordon asked. 

"A journey like that will take a few nights if we travel as fast as possible." She said, "It's a must if you want to get home." 

"I know," Gordon said and looked at Alara. "Right, we need to get going, by which I mean you because you look the most normal out of all of us." 

"Awesome." Alara said, "Let me just go pee first and wrangle my horse, I'll be right with you. Don't watch." 

"Not into that," Gordon said. She glared at him like she didn't quite believe it and if he was being honest with himself he kind of understood why she didn't because he could be kind of a pervert. He just really wasn't into that or very interested in her right now because of how he'd started feeling about Astia. All he wanted was to get back safely, even if it meant leaving a wonderful and sexy dragon woman behind. 

* * *

Ed ended up sleeping in the same bed with Kelly as he hadn't had much of another option. He woke up because he smelled food. Good food. Eggs, bacon, possible pancakes, and when he looked over to the table he was not disappointed. David was setting down a plate of, something. He turned to look in Ed's direction. 

"Good, you're awake." He said. Ed moved Kelly's feet out of his face because at some point she'd completely flipped her position in the bed and rested her toes by his mouth and he was very annoyed. He stood up and walked over to the table. Kelly groaned loudly and pulled the pillow over her head. 

"She hungover?" 

"Quite." David said, "Have a cure for that though, at least when it comes to extaberries, it's actually more like an antidote but...doesn't work when the person is fully intoxicated." He grabbed a small vial of something from the table and walked it over to the bed. He sat down by Kelly and she grabbed it then drank it without question. 

"Really Kel? Wasn't there that whole thing about how everything here could be poison?" Ed asked as he was surprised she didn't even try to question what she was just given to drink. 

"Grim death would be far better than this hang-oh wow it's gone." She said and sat up quickly. Ed chuckled and shook his head before starting to serve himself some food. Kelly looked at David. "Who are you again?" 

"David," He said, "We met last night but-" 

"I don't remember." She said. 

"I figured." He stood up and walked back over to the table sitting across from Ed. After a moment, Kelly came over there too and sat down. All of them started to help themselves to food. 

"You didn't have to do all of this for us," Ed told him, motioning to the feast David had set out.

"Hopefully it's the last time I'll have to do it before I'll have a replicator." He said, "Consider it some kind of going away party but for all of us." 

"What?" Kelly asked. 

"David is from Earth, he's been stuck here for a few decades so I said if he helped us we'd get him off of this planet," Ed explained with his mouth half full of food. 

"Really?" Kelly said sounding skeptical. 

"He mentioned Earth and L.A by name," Ed said, "How would he even know that here if he was lying? Did you see what happened when we tried to explain that stuff? Also, he talked about space and a spaceship..." 

"Fair enough." Kelly said, "What are the odds?" 

"I don't know and I don't care, I just want to leave." David said, "So, eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die." 

 


End file.
